Breaking News: NOAA Claims that Mermaids Aren’t Real!

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has taken the bold step of announcing that “no evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”  In other words, mermaids aren’t real!  Something is fishy here. On the other hand, the government has also denied the existence of space aliens, yet how else can one explain Donald Trump?

All joking aside, why did NOAA, a government agency with presumably better things to do, find it necessary to make such an announcement?

The back-story appears to be that the cable television channel, Animal Planet, broadcast the program, “Mermaids – the Body Found.”  The promotional material for the program includes the following statement: “ANIMAL PLANET’S MERMAIDS: THE BODY FOUND PAINTS A WILDLY CONVINCING PICTURE OF THE EXISTENCE OF MERMAIDS, WHAT THEY MAY LOOK LIKE AND WHY THEY’VE STAYED HIDDEN…UNTIL NOW.”  And there is more: Animal Planet brings viewers into the world where the legend is real. The film blends real-life events and phenomena with the story of two scientists who testify they found the remains of a never-before-identified sea creature. Spectacular CGI animates a world where mermaids really do swim below the water’s surface, cooperatively hunt with dolphins and may continue to survive in an intricate society where they stay hidden in fear of their Earth-bound relatives.

With compiled amateur footage, including photos and video shot by deep-sea fishermen that never have been shown in the US, as well as cinema-quality CGI, MERMAIDS: THE BODY FOUND argues how a mythical creature – one of humankind’s most enduring legends – may be real.

Since the program went on the air, NOAA has apparently been bombarded with questions about why they have covered up the existence of mermaids. Sadly, NOAA’s denial of  a great mermaid conspiracy will probably not be effective.  NOAA has also claimed that the world’s climate is warming, which many in this country still claim to be a myth.

Recently is was revealed that biology textbook used in the private school Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) program, funded by the state of Louisiana, claims that the Loch Ness monster actually exists and this disproves the Darwinian theory of evolution.  That’s right, a state funded biology text book teaches that Nessie is real. Why shouldn’t people believe in mermaids?

In 2010, the World Economic Forum ranked the United States 48th out of 133 developed and developing nations in quality of math and science instruction.  As the New York Times noted, “48th Is Not a Good Place.”

Thanks to Connie Chai McKenney on Facebook for pointing out the news.

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3 Responses to Breaking News: NOAA Claims that Mermaids Aren’t Real!

  1. Phil says:

    Not entirely true.
    Its been said that Sailors of long ago were to have, well, used dugongs/manatees.
    But you can look that up.

  2. Phil says:

    Experts: Sea cow ‘sirens’ fuel (underwatertimes . com)
    Dec 25, 2005 – Some of these sailors apparently conflated their desires for food and for intimacy, seeing both possibilities in the Rubenesque manatee.

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